The Secret

For the past few weeks I have felt maybe the happiest I have ever felt in my life. I feel peaceful, joyous and surrounded by people that care about me. I realize that even though I loved every minute of my time with TG, the relationship created a lot of anxiety for me because I knew he wasn’t that into me. So hopefully I have learned a lesson here.

I have more friends in my life than I ever have and that is a big part of the happiness. I mentioned to my counselor last week that I have become a magnet for people that want to hang out with me, do things with me. I told her something about me has changed. I’m still trying to figure this out but she said that reminded her of a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Byrne suggests that we get back from the world around us what we send out. I think, Yes Karma. I’m a big believer in Karma. So another book on the long list to read.

I have been wondering when is the right time to try dating again. I wonder should I wait longer, spend more time alone now that I am so happy. Then New Years I have a bit of an epiphany. When I’m happy and peaceful and feeling like being without a partner the rest of my life would be perfectly ok, perhaps that is the best time of all to start dating again. And I realize the truth. The last time I tried dating I really wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone to do things with and hang out. So I rushed and chased until I made that happen. So right now when I’m happy and peaceful seems like the perfect time to start dating again. Because this time I plan to move slow. I plan to get to know someone without jumping into bed with them. I plan to let things happen and not try to make things happen. So now seems right.

On New Years Day I climbed a small mountain with my brand new snowshoes with two strangers. It was an awesome, liberating day. The woman is going for her 46er status and has about 20 mountains she is climbing this summer and a trip to Nevada in the fall. I’ve already agreed to climb some of the mountains with her and am also seriously considering going to Nevada with her also. She will visit Death Valley and Great Basin National Parks and Vegas. For me a perfect vacation.

Then after my mini-mountain climb I came home and signed up for eHarmony. Using the picture of myself radiating happiness on the top of that snowy mountain for my profile picture. And tonight I have a date with a man who is getting in shape to climb mountains, wants to learn to ski, likes to dance, has had a good secure job for years and has a dog. And you know what? I’m excited to meet this person, hopeful for a new friend and cautiously optimistic for more. But I’m not counting on it, I will be perfectly happy if this is the first and last date. I am in a good place. I no longer seek validation outside of myself. I look for like minded people that raise me up and choose to spend time with them. If he doesn’t fit in with that, he doesn’t fit in with my life.

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