So a couple weeks ago I asked JJ if he believed in ‘soul mates’. A discussion ensued and I wanted to send him a link to this post that I had a link to in my blog back in July. Instead I sent him this link to my blog. Naturally he reads the post I sent him and also the last couple posts here this year. He tells me “So I read your blog.” My head swims. I was mortified and also not quite sure what I had written here. I often write what I’m thinking/feeling on a particular day to sort through feelings.

He was concerned that I wasn’t talking to him. He said that if I needed time to myself I needed to tell him. He deleted the email and the link to my blog and said he didn’t want to read my feelings here. He wants me to talk to him or write him a personal note. He was kind, concerned and honest. What a refreshing change.

By the time he had read my post about balance I had sorted through in my head what was off. Not in small part due to the act of writing that post. Since then I’ve freed myself of the obligation of going to the gym. I joined a gym in December thinking I would make use of the group classes and equipment. Since then I had mentally committed myself to going a minimum of two times a week. If I didn’t make it I beat myself up over wasting money, not making the effort and let depression over my body’s lack of cooperation with what I wanted to be creep into my consciousness. Going to the gym might have been achievable if my body hadn’t been balking at certain Pilates moves for the past year, if my sciatica wasn’t making simple activities laced with pain, if my neck and shoulder and often arm weren’t on fire pretty much 24/7. The gym was too competitive for someone like me. If I can’t keep up I push harder. I had been going to physical therapy twice a week in an attempt to work through the sciatica and neck and shoulder pain. This added to my feeling that I had no down time.

So I went back to doing home exercises. Once I get the issues sorted out that keep me from Pilates I’ll probably go back to my original Pilates studio. I’m back to walking the dogs every morning. And I do my active stuff that I enjoy like hiking and skating on the weekends. I knew I wasn’t a gym person before, now I’ve remembered and accepted this fact about myself and moved on.

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